A cure for soft balls

It was Tuesday and the junk-mail was filling my post box just the way it used to. I sat down, browsing through it to see if there, contrary to expectation, should be any of interest among it. A leaflet offering all sorts of cosmetics from a well known brand caught my interest for a moment. No one so good looking that he/she doesn't want to look even better, is there? But there was only the usual offerings of lotions and eye-shadows and lipsticks and seducing scents of all kind. Nothing remarkable or exciting in any way. Not until the last page anyway.
NOW we're talking interesting stuff! Here they puffed for something called "Bust Cream", which clearly had to be the ultimate solution for many women. By rubbing this cream over your bust and décolletage area (!) twice a day, the miracolous thing occurs: 'A limp and flabby bust is lifted and tightened up, caused by the contracting effect the cream has on the skin and your bust will look just as young as it once did - before pregnancies and breast feeding!' Fantastic! Unfuckingbelievable! And that's not all; 'if you do have a very small bust, this cream can also make it look bigger and more rounded.' Furthermore, all of it is flavoured with the sensual scent of "Honey". Plastic surgery: Go stuff yourself! Isn't this all wonderful? I mean, I'm all excited! What an incredible step forward for human research! Dolly Parton-wannabe's do not any longer have to pay huge sums of money for risky operations. Now all they have to do is rub their breasts with this wonder-cream, and - VOILA!

Thinking about all this gave me a brilliant idea: Why not introduce this product to MEN as well? Put the advert in a leaflet together with shaving lotion and Mum for Men and name it "W(r)inkle Cream". It will cause a sensation, I promise! No need for importing various sorts of roots, expensive rhino horns and snake eyes from China anymore. Just imagine: 'Old ones gets like new. Small gets bigger and fuller. Soft and flabby ones are tightened and lifted UP!' Then add: "With a fresh taste of banana" and the success is already a fact.
And how simple - just rub it in, morning and night...